


Endless Suffering In Silence

by rebelmeg



Series: Rebelmeg's Tony Stark Bingo 2018 [12]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Developing Friendships, Gen, Hand-wavey science and medical stuff, Hurt Tony Stark, Injury Recovery, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Major Character Injury, Mute Tony Stark, Sign Language, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 03:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Tony is involved in an accident that renders him mute.  His recovery and struggles with coping are accompanied by friends old and new.(We're pretending JARVIS never died, mmkay?  Because I needed Tony to have JARVIS for this.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flight_Of_Icarus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flight_Of_Icarus/gifts), [Raskel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raskel/gifts).



> The idea for this popped up in the WI Discord server AGES ago, and it kinda stuck in my brain. [Ica's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flight_Of_Icarus) friend [Raskel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raskel) had come up with the idea originally of a mute Tony, and that paving the way for a friendship between him and Bucky, and Ica brought the idea to the Discord server. After some spitballing, I asked for permission to run with it, and here we are, 2 hours before the deadline, with my final TSB fill: A4 - worst case scenario.
> 
> TSB Roundup info in the end notes.

Catastrophic trauma.

That’s what they called it.

Two words. Six syllables. Eighteen letters. Different numbers in Italian, Spanish, French, and Binary, but they all had the same meaning no matter how many times Tony ran them through his head. For the event that had come within a quarter of an inch, literally, of ending his life.

They’d saved the artery, cleared his airway so he could breathe, but the damage to his vocal cords… that had been irrevocable by the time the surgeons had finished saving his life.

When he was having a low point, flat on his back in the hospital bed with nothing to see but the ceiling and the back of his own eyelids… Tony wasn’t entirely sure they’d really saved him.

A week in the ICU section of the medical building at the Compound, and some time Dr. Cho’s cradle got him to the point that he could finally get out of bed and pee under his own power, but his voice… that was a no-go.

He could manage a harsh garble, but that was pretty much it. And the doctors weren’t optimistic about it improving much. 

The “incident” (no one seemed to be able to call it anything else) had also damaged Tony’s right hand, which just pissed him off. He was ambidextrous, sure, but only being able to type with one hand significantly slowed down the only method of communication he currently had. He spent three days painstakingly typing out sentences with one hand on the tablet suspended above his head in order to communicate, and more than once he had to bite down on the excruciating scream that seemed to swell in his heavily bandaged throat.

Talk about suffering in silence.

Another week was all he allowed before he all but fled medical with a case of the crazies. He had his phone and his tablet, and he’d been doing what work he could manage, but if he didn’t get back to his lab, he was gonna lose a lot more than the ability to speak.

He was hounded by the bots the second he stepped inside, and he spent a while letting them prod at him with their metal arms and bump into him, letting JARVIS explain why he couldn’t speak while he petted them. He got down on the floor and fixed a squeaky wheel on U and adjusted a joint on Dum-E, letting them pet through his hair with their claws and pluck at his shirt and beep at the bandage around his throat with concern. It was the nicest poking and prodding he’d had in weeks.

When they were finally satisfied that he was okay, he got himself situated in front of his bank of monitors. JARVIS already knew what he was after.

Dr. Cho and the specialists she’d brought in had suggested different therapies and surgeries that he could consider once he was healed up from “the incident.” Everything from corrective surgeries to a false voice box, and even some cutting-edge transplant technology. JARVIS had them all queued up, and Tony went through all of them.

The pictures, articles, and data that scrolled along on the screen were… well, they made a cold sweat break out all over him. Some of it was permanent. All of it would permanently remove his own vocal chords. Some of it would absolutely leave him with even worse scarring. He was no stranger to scarring, but it was nice that he could hide the worst of his scars under his clothes. The scars he already had on his neck from “the incident” would be visible always. A permanent reminder of what he’d lost and might never get back. He had no desire to make them more pronounced.

 _Well, that looks horrifying._ Tony mouthed the words as he typed them, still working on calibrating JARVIS’s cameras to be able to pick up and translate his words with a decent degree of accuracy. He had been mouthing words at JARVIS for the past two weeks, and the brilliant AI was getting pretty good at lip-reading, especially once Tony had designed a program that projected what JARVIS thought he was saying, that Tony could correct as needed.

JARVIS cleared the screens. “I will assume that is a last resort, then.” 

Tony rubbed his left hand down his face. _Yeah. What other options do I have?_

“I’m afraid the only avenues left to you at this moment are methods of nonverbal communication, sir.”

Tony sighed, and looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers, being careful of his right hand that was still healing. _Barton’s gonna love this._

JARVIS didn’t have to ask. There was already a list of ASL learning sites pulling up on the screen.

_Thanks, JARVIS ._

“It is my pleasure, Sir. Always.”

* * *

Tony didn’t bother sleep that night. He had still been having a hard time with it before, not only the fun new batch of nightmares spawned from his brush with death, but now he could no longer fall asleep while murmuring notes to himself to remember in the morning. It didn’t work to type them out, even with a screen shaded red and tinted low. Took too much coordination to think and translate it into typing rather than letting himself ramble until he dropped off. So he put himself to work instead. 

He decided to try out his new skills once morning came around, heading up to the communal kitchen for coffee instead of brewing more in the workshop. Clint was there, as JARVIS had said, hunched over a bowl of colorful cereal, his short hair sticking up at odd angles. Tony made a rough sound, one of the few he could still make, to get the guy’s attention, then started to sign, his fingers falling awkwardly into the correct positions.

_You speak ASL, right?_

Clint’s eyes went wide, and then he was dropping his spoon and signing back, almost too fast. _Yeah. Didn’t know you could._

_Learned last night._

His eyebrows raised. _That was fast._

Tony just shrugged. _Not many other options._

Clint winced a little, and started to sign an apology, but Tony shook his head.

_No, it’s okay._

_So it’s for sure? They can’t fix it?_ Clint tapped at his throat.

Tony shook his head. _No. Too damaged._

 _That sucks, man. I’m really sorry._ He really did look sorry, and Tony appreciated it.

_Thanks. Am I doing this right?_

_You are. A little rough, but you’re doing fine._

_Once I get better, it’ll be faster than typing._

Clint nodded enthusiastically. _Hell yeah it will. And we can trash talk people across the room!_

Tony smirked a little. _I’ll leave you to your breakfast._

_Sure thing._

Tony turned to go, coffee forgotten.

“Tony, wait!”

He turned back, waiting.

_You ever need to talk, I’m here. Okay? And Nat too. She knows ASL, she learned for me._

Tony swallowed hard, over a lump in his throat that had nothing to do with scar tissue. _Okay._

* * *

Natasha went out in search of Tony later that week, insisting on seeing how his ASL was coming along and dragging him up to the communal kitchen to eat. She waited patiently as he fumbled through a combination of ASL and mouthing words for JARVIS to translate, explaining that he had exactly zero interest in any more of the food that he was allowed to eat while his throat continued to heal, but Natasha was already ahead of him. 

She placed a bowl in front of him, an Indian recipe for mashed pumpkin that she’d found online and gotten approval for from Bruce. Tony looked at is suspiciously, tasted it hesitantly, but apparently approved because he wolfed it down like he was starving. Which, given the kind of diet restrictions he was still dealing with, he probably was, a little bit. Natasha made sure to keep his bowl filled, and made a mental note to bring the other Avengers in on a new project to keep their resident genius fed.

The two of them were just finishing up and putting their dishes in the dishwasher when JARVIS spoke up.

“Sir, Colonel Rhodes has arrived.”

Tony’s mouth fell open in shock as his eyebrows went up, and Natasha saw his lips form the word, _Rhodey?_

“Yes, sir. He’s in the elevator now. And he requests that you don’t bolt for the lab, because he _will_ chase you down if he has to.”

Tony’s mouth pinched at the corners and his eyebrows came back down in a scowl. Natasha had to bite back a grin. This was more animation than she’d seen from the man in days.

“You want me to go?” She asked quietly.

He shook his head, his gaze wandering towards the elevator. His hands flew through signs as she watched. _No, it’s just Rhodey. You can stay. No problem._

The elevator dinged, signaling its arrival, and the Colonel stepped out. He nodded to Natasha, then looked at Tony. The genius was standing there, shoulders straight and tight, with an expression on his face that wasn’t quite angry or defiant, but it was in that neighborhood.

Rhodey brought his hands up and started to sign, a little clumsily.

_You need to stop getting into trouble._

Natasha slid off the stool and left silently when Tony’s shoulders shuddered and slumped. She didn’t need to be here for this. She knew Rhodey was the closest thing Tony had to a brother, and he was in good hands.

Tony dropped his head into his hand as Natasha disappeared down the hall, and Rhodey was already crossing the room to pull Tony into his arms.

This was what Tony had been afraid of. This was why he’d been avoiding Rhodey’s nearly nonstop questions about when Tony was up for him stopping by. He knew he’d fall apart as soon as Rhodey got there.

“You’ve gotta stop trying to do everything alone, Tones.” Rhodey murmured in his ear. “Because you’re not.”

 _I know,_ Tony mouthed into his shoulder. He didn’t care that JARVIS couldn’t pick up his words. Rhodey knew.

* * *

Tony felt… more relaxed than he’d been in weeks. He’d finally been able to say (ha, there was a joke that would never be funny) all the things that had been building up ever since he’d woken up mute. Everything he couldn’t say to Clint or Natasha for whatever reason, couldn’t discuss with JARVIS . And while his bots were his beloved metal children, they weren’t exactly the most skilled conversationalists. 

But Rhodey… he and Rhodey knew each other like the backs of their hands. Rhodey was still learning ASL, it would take him time to become fluent, but he’d learned enough to catch most of what Tony was saying, with JARVIS filling in what he missed on the screen.

Tony finally felt like he’d been able to really _communicate_ with someone for the first time in weeks.

“You look better.” Rhodey murmured, his hands moving through the signs as he spoke.

_I feel better._

“I’m on leave for a few days. My room still mine?”

_Always._

* * *

Tony hadn’t expected the other Avengers to learn ASL; he figured he’d just have JARVIS translate for him. But as the days turned into weeks and he became fluent in the language, the others worked on it too.

Natasha already knew ASL, because of her relationship with Barton (what exactly that relationship was, Tony had never asked), and Steve and Bruce seemed to be picking it up pretty quick. At least enough to hold a basic conversation. It was… it was nice. Tony still found himself trying to talk, several times a day, but he had noticed that his hands also automatically came up to form words when he did so. It still hurt, both physically and emotionally, when all that came out of his throat was a harsh, rough sound that didn’t in any way resemble words. He kept hoping that might stop or go away, but as it hadn’t, he’d been spending spare hours here and there dedicated to researching a way to… fix it, somehow.

And speaking of fixing things, Bucky Barnes had put himself on that list.

It was about a month after Tony had escaped medical, and he was in his workshop doing some detail work inside his Iron Man helmet when there was a ping at the door, someone without an entrance code requesting access.

Tony had been more than a little surprised to see Barnes on the other side of the reinforced glass, but signed for JARVIS to let him in.

Things were still… awkward between them. The whole mess with the Accords and Siberia had been settled, and Tony had provided extensive therapy options and access to his BARF technology in order to get Barnes better, which had worked in conjunction with the technological magic Princess Shuri had already performed. And there was forgiveness on both sides, no lingering animosity. But it was still weird, and even though Tony had extended an offer to look at Barnes’ shiny new metal arm from Princess Shuri and perform maintenance on it, the guy had yet to take him up on it, or even approach him one-on-one.

Until today.

_Hey. What brings you here?_

JARVIS projected Tony’s words, both mouthed and signed, onto a screen in front of Barnes.

“I, uh…” His metal shoulder twitched, and Tony guessed at the answer before he said it. “This arm is amazing, and it has very few problems, and Shuri can fix most of them just by telling me what to do. But… I think there’s a joint in there that’s having trouble, and I can’t fix it myself. She said that you’re definitely qualified to look it over, if I was okay with it, and it would save us a trip, so…” Barnes let the sentence trail off, glancing at Tony and then away, looking instead at the workshop surroundings.

Tony mulled it over for a second, considering what Barnes had said, then nodded. _Okay. I can take a look if you want. I don’t know how familiar I’ll be with the tech, as it’s Wakandan and awesome, but I can try._ “Wakandan and awesome” didn’t translate the first time, the text instead popping up with _“W(—?) *several syllables”_ and a quiet beep to get his attention. Tony entered the text by hand, and JARVIS updated it accordingly. That gorgeous AI was getting better and better at picking up what he was saying, which was amazing considering that so much speech happened inside the mouth where cameras couldn’t see.

Barnes smiled, a little bit, and held up a silver flash drive. “Shuri sent me the specs for it, said I can show you as long as you promise not to do anything stupid with it.”

Tony grinned despite himself, and nodded. _Yeah, it’s probably got an NDA, I’ll sign it. It’s fine._

Tony took a quick look at the specs Princess Shuri had provided (and signed the attached NDA), then motioned for Barnes to take a seat next to his worktable. _Where’s the problem?_

Barnes rotated his wrist, showing the slight tremor and shake when he did so. “It’s not bad, but I don’t want it to get worse.”

_Got it. I’m gonna open up the access panel and take a look, okay?_

Barnes nodded and shifted slightly in his seat, getting comfortable. “Okay.”

* * *

After that, Barnes went to Tony for any issues with the arm, or any equipment malfunctions. Instead of being “Stark” and “Barnes”, they became Tony and Bucky, and a hesitant friendship sprang up. Tony discovered that Bucky was an absolute science nerd, and Bucky discovered that Tony had more masks than your average masquerade ball. 

Tony helped keep the arm functioning perfectly since Shuri couldn’t exactly make house calls, and he and Bucky geeked out more than once at the amazing tech advancements Shuri had made while creating it. It was just after one such geek session where they both marveled at the amazing properties of vibranium that Tony finally brought up something that Bucky had been waiting for. They had been sitting in comfortable silence for a few minutes while Tony did some detail cleaning inside the elbow joint, when he started mouthing words again.

Bucky watched Tony’s lips move, then flipped his gaze to the ever-present screen JARVIS was operating to read what he didn’t catch.

_So why you letting me do this now?_

Tony waited for a moment, almost getting lost in what he was doing before he realized Bucky hadn’t responded. He looked up, then had to do a double-take.

The… the guy was _blushing_. And not the fun, cute kind of blushing. He looked guilty and ashamed.

“I don’t want to say,” He finally said, shaking his head. “It’s… I really don’t want to say. Maybe some other time?”

Tony quirked a brow, but then shrugged. _Alright. Your b(—?)._

Tony tapped at the screen when it beeped quietly, filling in the gap that JARVIS wasn’t able to interpret.

_Your biz._

Bucky watched Tony work, and after a few minutes in silence but for the quiet rock music in the background, he spoke up again. “Would it… is it faster to sign?”

Tony made a hoarse noise, one of the few sounds he could make, this one basically the equivalent of a question mark.

“Would it help if I learned sign language?” Bucky clarified. “So you don’t have to fill in what JARVIS misses lip-reading?”

Tony glanced up at him, just a quick look, a flash of brown eyes before his head was ducked again. Then he nodded.

“I’ll learn, then.”

Another nod. But Tony didn’t dare raise his head this time. He couldn’t risk in in case his eyes were red.

* * *

ASL worked for most everything Tony needed to do, but he did have to make a few changes for public appearances that he still had to make, and business meetings. He modified a pair of his favorite sunglasses, making them accessible to JARVIS , and put in specialty lenses that worked as another screen he could use to communicate with the AI. He made a thin, clear neoprene glove with sensors in it that he could wear on his left hand, and communicate with JARVIS using eye movements, blinks, and hand movements. It was pretty handy, and once he got it working the way he wanted, he sent it to an R&D team to perfect and distribute to the public. 

Tony found himself using those particular hand signals for JARVIS even when he wasn’t wearing the glove and the glasses, and Clint caught him at it one night when they were sharing an elevator to the kitchen for dinner. After some small talk, Tony started signaling to JARVIS without thinking.

Clint’s eyes tracked Tony’s hands, then his brow furrowed in confusion. “Wait… what are you trying to sign? I didn’t recognize half of those.”

Tony looked up in surprise, having forgotten where he was for a moment, then realized what Clint had said.

_Not for you. Just for JARVIS ._

“Are you seriously inventing your own secret sign language to use with your AI?”

 _You seem surprised._ Tony quirked an eyebrow at him, and a hint of a smile lifted the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right, what was I thinking.”

_This way I can do sneaky communication and he knows not to share it with the room. Comes in handy during board meetings and around paparazzi, I can razz other people and everyone just thinks I’m having JARVIS take notes or something._

Clint chuckled at that. “You been trash talking the rest of us while we’re in the room?”

“Not yet, Agent Barton, but give us time.”

Tony gave JARVIS's camera such an offended look that Clint was still laughing when they sat down for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was rather unwieldy, so I split it into two chapters.

More time passed. Tony continued to heal, to the point that he could actually eat real food (he had almost cried that first night, when Steve bought the most amazing fried chicken to celebrate). His hand was back to normal, and the rest of his body was as normal as it got anymore.

His voice was still a no-go, though. Permanent damage was still permanent.

He hated to admit to himself that he’d been holding out a frail bit of hope, that maybe when he was done healing, there might be options available that hadn’t been before when the damage was fresh.

But nope. Tony was more than a little tempted to spend the weekend drunk enough that he didn’t care about anything, but it was as if Rhodey knew, because he showed up on leave and they spent the weekend doing the stupid, useless kinds of science that used to get them in trouble at MIT. Bucky and the rest of the Avengers joined them for parts of it, with Bucky and Rhodey hitting it off particularly well, and by Sunday evening, Rhodey had both Bucky and Tony rolling with laughter as he told Bucky some of their MIT stories. Tony was laughing so hard he didn’t even care that he was making harsh, ugly noises that didn’t sound at all like laughter, and the endorphin release went a long way to helping his mood.

“How many dorms did you two get kicked out of?” Bucky asked after a while, wiping away tears and trying to get himself back under control.

“Oh man, I have no idea. I lost count after our sophomore year.”

 _A lot._ Tony supplied, mouthing and signing the words as JARVIS projected them on a screen, even though both Rhodey and Bucky were fairly fluent in ASL now. _Enough that I finally had to buy out a building so we could stay on campus._

Bucky was lost in another wave of laughter, but eventually they all calmed down enough to eat the pizza Tony had put in the oven earlier. Bucky was pulling paper plates out of the cupboard when Rhodey sidled up next to Tony and bumped shoulders with him.

“I’m glad you’ve got a good friend here. For when I’m not around.” He said quietly, and Tony shouldn’t have been surprised that his bestie had noticed.

_Thanks. He’s not you, but… he’s good. He’s smart, he asks intelligent questions, he doesn’t look at me like I need to be pitied, and he plays fetch with the bots._

“All points in his favor.” Rhodey slung an arm around Tony’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze. “I’m glad you’ve got each other. It’s good for him, too. Steve and I both think so.”

_Thanks, honeybear._

* * *

Tony noticed, thanks to Rhodey, that Bucky seemed to hang around in the lab a lot, even more after the weekend Rhodey spent at the Compound. Not even for any arm maintenance, just to hang out. Sometimes he chatted with Tony about nothing or science or anything in between, or played fetch with the bots, other times he sat quietly on the couch and did stuff on the tablet Tony had given him. Just about every day now, Bucky ended up wandering into the lab and spending a few hours there, like he had nowhere better to be. Tony finally brought it up one day.

_You hiding from Cap?_

Bucky looked at him in confusion, then replied with both spoken words and the ASL he was picking up quick. “I… no? Should I be?”

_No, you’re just down here a lot recently. Wondered if that was why._

“No, I just… like being down here. I like the bots. I like talking to you.”

_Oh. Okay. No problem. People just don’t usually seek out my company._

That made the guy look sad, and Tony opened his mouth and raised his hands to change the subject, but Bucky beat him to it.

“Actually… in the beginning, I did have a different reason. Before we became… friends?”

Friends was good, that made Tony smile. _Yeah, friends._

“But… before…” Bucky looked uncomfortable now, somehow guilt-ridden, and Tony took pity on the guy.

 _It’s okay._ Tony nodded to accompany the words on the screen, ready to leave it at that, looking back down at a new prototype for some Black Widow bites for Natasha.

“It’s because you can’t say the words.”

The near-whisper confused Tony for a moment, but then it dawned on him as he looked up at Bucky.

The control words. The ones Hydra put in his brain. Even though their influence was gone, eradicated from Bucky’s brain thanks to the amazing work Princess Shuri had done… the guy was still clearly dealing with the fallout of having been at the mercy of those words for decades.

And Tony, well… Tony couldn’t say them. Even if he wanted to.

Bucky looked ashamed and apologetic. “And I’m sorry that was the reason. I’m really… damned sorry.”

Tony shook his head. _No. I get it. I do. I don’t blame you. It’s okay._

Bucky looked skeptical, and still riddled with guilt, but Tony pulled together a smile that was real for all it was weak, and went back to work. After a few minutes of hesitant silence, Bucky relaxed a little bit and went back to whatever he was doing on his tablet, and it was okay.

Clint wandered down about an hour later— he’d been making a point of ensuring that Tony had someone to talk to if he needed it, and he showed up wherever Tony was at least once a week. He looked around at Tony working on upgrades and Bucky reading a book on his tablet, then made himself comfortable on the other end of the couch and pulled out his phone to play Tetris.

Tony kind of liked it. Having company, but not needing to talk and entertain. It was nice.

* * *

Everyone was having a lazy Sunday in the communal living room in the Compound about six months after "the incident” when Tony, on his way to the couch with his tablet and a fresh mug of coffee, came to a stop and stared off into space, the gears in his head working double time.

_I just had an idea._

Tony hadn’t meant for JARVIS to say the words, had just been thinking out loud, so to speak, mouthing the words to himself, but everyone turned to look at him anyway.

“What?” Bucky asked from where he was sitting by the coffee table with Steve, playing chess.

_It’s not the same, it wouldn’t be the same, but… maybe it could work._

“What?” Bruce had been dozing in the chair by the window, in his own little patch of sunshine like a cat, but he’d woken up for this. “What are you doing?”

_There’s definitely enough footage to create a decent enough imitation. I think it could work._

“If you don’t spit it out, I’m gonna come over there and dump that coffee on your head.” Natasha had her feet propped up on Clint’s lap, and he was massaging them well enough that Tony was pretty sure she wouldn’t follow through with that threat.

 _I… let me check first. Make sure it works. Then I’ll tell you._ Tony left the room, practically running for his lab, and Sam sighed in his absence.

“I hate it when he does that.”

Bucky just smirked and moved one of his pawns on the chessboard, not surprised at all when Steve took it out a moment later. “Yeah, but it’ll be worth it when he figures out whatever brainwave just came to him.”

* * *

“Testing, testing, one two three.”

It was… surreal and weird, to be mouthing the words, and hear his own voice coming out of the speakers hidden around the lab, the same speakers JARVIS used, a lag of about half a second between his mouth moving and his voice speaking.

“That’s promising.”

“I agree, sir. The algorithms I use to interpret what you say is perfectly suited to this task. And the voice modulator is quite accurate.” A note of humor entered JARVIS’s voice. “I suppose it is a positive thing that there is so much footage of you mouthing off to the press. It allows me to get the inflection of your sarcasm just right.”

Tony laughed at that, and ran a hand through his hair. It felt kinda gross, and he wondered how long he’d been immersed in this project. “What day is it? How long have I been down here?” Okay, weird, yes, weird, this whole echo-y, fake-but-not voice thing was gonna take some getting used to.

“It has been four days, sir. Everyone has stopped by to check on you. That’s where the food and coffee has been coming from.”

Tony finally noticed the empty plate, glass, and a few empty coffee mugs on the table next to him. “Huh. I… don’t remember any of that.” It was still weird, and the voice JARVIS put through the speakers had a different tone to it than what Tony meant, but… damn, it was pretty close. 

“Might I recommend you attend to your personal hygiene and sleep, before debuting this advancement?”

“Personal hygiene, yeah, that’s a thing. What time is it?” 

“1:32 a.m., Thursday.”

“Okay, sleep is a thing too.” Tony realized as he mouthed the words that his hands were moving and making the ASL signs to go along with them. He considered that for a moment, wondered if that was a habit he needed to break, but then he stood up and nearly fell over, so he decided to think about it later. “Yep, you’re right. Hygiene. Sleep.”

“How nice to hear you listening to reason, sir. What a red letter day.”

“JARVIS, I feel like your sass has gotten worse recently.”

* * *

Tony found himself buried in humans the next morning after he walked into the communal kitchen and said, “Good morning, losers.”

Natasha had actually gasped, Clint had choked on his cereal, Bruce’s eyes went comically wide, and both Steve and Bucky stopped dead in their tracks as they headed for the fridge after their run.

“It’s not my real voice,” Tony mouthed as JARVIS provided the audio. “But it’s something.”

And then he was being hugged from all sides, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t even standing on the floor anymore.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I missed your voice.” Clint said what they were all thinking, and Tony was squeezed even tighter.

“I did too,” Tony confessed, and he had no idea how JARVIS picked up those words, considering he had two supersoldiers both trying to cuddle him aggressively. Maybe the AI just knew.

* * *

“Okay,” Tony mouthed as the speakers emitted the corresponding words, nodding at Bucky’s metal arm that he’d just added some upgrades to. “What do you think?”

Bucky rotated the wrist and flexed the fingers… then froze. He… he had _felt_ his knuckles brush across the cold metal of the worktable. Cold. He had… he had _felt_ the _cold_.

With wide eyes, Bucky looked hard at the metal hand.

“I added some new tech. Shuri and I have been working on it together.” Tony’s voice said. “Here.”

Bucky looked at the mug Tony held out, a thin curl of steam rising from the surface of the coffee. He took it with his metal hand, and shuddered. He could _feel that_. He could feel the smooth texture of the porcelain, the almost too-hot temperature. It wasn’t like his flesh hand, nothing could be like that, but it was so much _more_ than it had been before. He could _feel_ with it.

Tony was piling things onto the table now. A handful of screws. A square of sandpaper. A rag that was only a little bit dirty with engine grease. A glass of ice water. A stuffed rabbit with fluffy fur.

“Give these a try. Make sure you’re getting the right input.”

Bucky did so eagerly, setting the mug of coffee aside and taking each object in the metal hand. He could distinguish textures so well now, and temperatures, and he almost laughed as he moved his hand back and forth between the mug of coffee and the glass of ice water. _He could feel that._

Tony was smiling, not the way he used to smile before, in the pictures and footage Bucky had seen, but it was closer than anything Bucky had seen lately. A half-smile was better than nothing. “Okay, I’m gonna need my coffee back. Looks like the tech is holding up. Any improvements you can think of now?”

Bucky just looked down at the metal hand in awe, shaking his head. “Thank you.”

“Yep. Let me know if you think of anything later.”

Bucky reached out, with his metal hand, and rested it gently on Tony’s forearm. He could feel the heat of the engineer’s skin, and a sensation that might have been the texture of his arm hair.

“Tony, seriously… thank you.”

Tony met his eyes and nodded, that half-smile coming back as his disembodied voice came from the ceiling to match the movements of his lips. “You’re welcome. Now shoo. Out of my lab. I have important confidential things to work on.”

“I have Rogue One queued up and Dum-E has tissues ready for you, sir.”

Tony flipped JARVIS off and started signing things like “betrayal” and “recycle your code” and other threats so fast that Bucky didn’t catch them. Grinning, he headed for the door, but paused when something rolled across the floor and bumped into his foot.

It was a tennis ball, and Dum-E’s metal arm bounced up and down in anticipation.

Flexing his metal fingers, Bucky bent down and picked up the neon-colored ball the bot had sent his way. His hand not only registered the slightly rough, fuzzy texture, but it could detect the give of the rubber underneath as he squeezed gently. 

An impatient sort of beep had him smiling, and he turned to toss the ball across the lab, watching the bot go after it.

He was going to have to think of a way to thank Tony for this. And he did have an idea.

* * *

“Hey, Tony!”

Tony paused as he entered the communal living room, on a quest to find his tablet. Bucky was sitting on his favorite chair by the huge windows, and he beckoned Tony over.

“I’m talking to Shuri, she’s got an idea.”

Tony made his way over, keeping an eye out for his tablet, then waved when Bucky held up his own tablet to show the video call he was having with the princess.

“Hey, girl genius.”

“White genius.” She replied, using the nickname she’d come up with for him. It made Tony smile.

“How’s fair Wakanda?”

“Very well, and how is fair New York?”

“As well as can be expected. What’s your idea?”

Bucky handed the tablet over to Tony. “Actually, I’ll let you two talk about it.” And with that he left the room. Tony squinted after him, instantly suspicious, but Shuri’s voice brought his attention back.

“Bucky has told me more about what happened. With your voice. The things you’ve done to compensate for the loss of it.”

Tony glanced at her face on the screen, and then away as he mouthed, “Yeah?”

“Yes.” The young princess leaned in closer, and her dark eyes were calm and very serious as she looked straight into the camera at him. “And I think that with the both of us working on it? We can figure something out.”

Tony’s head whipped back around to look at the screen, disbelief and hope colliding in his chest so fast they closed his useless throat. He couldn’t seem to even form words for JARVIS to pick up.

Shuri smiled, and there was science sparkle in her eyes now. “Come on, send me your research. We’re going to do something amazing!”

* * *

It took months. Months of experimenting and tinkering and exploring different avenues in order to finally hit upon something that worked. 

But then they found it. And with the help of Helen Cho, it was ready to test.

It was a long shot. But Tony had pretty decent luck with long shots.

Shuri had flown out to the States for the surgery, and to make sure the tech was fully functioning, but for this first test, Tony had asked to be alone. Just… just in case it didn’t work, just in case it was all for naught… he wanted to be able to have a breakdown about it alone.

Tony was in his lab when he booted up the tech, feeling the faint, one-time buzz as the tiny chip implanted in his throat activated. He swallowed a few times, hummed, cleared his throat… and couldn’t think of anything else to put off the inevitable any longer.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting a tremor shake through him.

“JARVIS?”

“Sir, if I may say… it is so good to hear your voice.”

“Thanks, J.” His voice _(his voice, he couldn’t believe it was working)_ was hoarse, but it wasn’t from the tech. “It’s good to use it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Name of Piece: Endless Suffering In Silence  
> Square Filled: A4 - worst case scenario  
> Rating: Teen  
> Warnings: major character injury  
> Summary: Tony is involved in an accident that renders him mute. His recovery and struggles with coping are accompanied by friends old and new.  
> Created For : @tonystarkbingo


End file.
